Vorbote
Full Member
Vorbote von Ver?nderung
Bis ins Unendliche. Bis zum Erbrechen
Posts: 368
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Eh
Mar 5, 2011 7:02:21 GMT -6
Post by Vorbote on Mar 5, 2011 7:02:21 GMT -6
I've not really had much desire to post here, lately. But I thought I'd drop a line if only to bring attention to a new writing project I've started. It's a sort of Western, set in a different realm that is similar to ours, but not the same. It's actually based on a dream I had. A very vivid, powerful, dream.
Those interested, let me know and I'll provide a link to it on DeviantArt. Those of you who have me on Facebook can also find it on my page in my notes, it'll be the two newest ones. That's all, folks.
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kellen
Full Member
Storm Bringer
For Those Unforgettable Days For Them I Live
Posts: 466
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Eh
Mar 5, 2011 12:31:59 GMT -6
Post by kellen on Mar 5, 2011 12:31:59 GMT -6
sure, always interested in reading things.
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Richter
Veteran Member
Posts: 1,870
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Eh
Mar 5, 2011 13:33:50 GMT -6
Post by Richter on Mar 5, 2011 13:33:50 GMT -6
Post that shit.
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Hectator
Active Member
Pathologically High-Spirited
Never forget. Your NT hero threw a cripple off a mountain.
Posts: 547
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Eh
Mar 5, 2011 14:30:23 GMT -6
Post by Hectator on Mar 5, 2011 14:30:23 GMT -6
So you finally post after forever and a day, and all it is about is to whore some new story about "bang bang pow pow" Big John Wayne Cowboys? Nah, just kidding... but seriously. Link or it never happened.
Also, I seem to be missing yer current IM, assuming you aren't invisdible.
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Vorbote
Full Member
Vorbote von Ver?nderung
Bis ins Unendliche. Bis zum Erbrechen
Posts: 368
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Eh
Mar 6, 2011 0:40:08 GMT -6
Post by Vorbote on Mar 6, 2011 0:40:08 GMT -6
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Eh
Mar 11, 2011 9:37:38 GMT -6
Post by Evan on Mar 11, 2011 9:37:38 GMT -6
I'm writing this post ongoing as I read more, so bear with me. I am admittedly a bit biased to my own style, so don't take anything the wrong way.
On Chapter 1, right away, I'm lost. It feels very ... procedural. It's not that I don't understand what is going on but you can only read and process so much in a block of text and this is definitely turning me off about three or four lines down.
It helps a bit as well if you put dialogue on separate lines. That's typically how most stories are written and helps keep things organized and easy to read, especially when there are two different people talking to each other and you're stuffing them all in the same paragraph.
You have a lot of fragment sentences.
I kind of like the idea of everything, despite any of this. I'm a fan of western-ish stuff and this seems like it could be interesting if you refined it a bit.
Chapter 2, immediately, is easier to read. But you still have to try and refine things, I think. Again, separating dialogue onto lines helps wonders in making things more clear.
Other than that, I enjoyed the chapter.
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Vorbote
Full Member
Vorbote von Ver?nderung
Bis ins Unendliche. Bis zum Erbrechen
Posts: 368
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Eh
Mar 11, 2011 20:06:19 GMT -6
Post by Vorbote on Mar 11, 2011 20:06:19 GMT -6
I notice that a lot of books do that, but it doesn't make sense to me. And thank you for your critique, it's nice to actually see feedback other than "I like it." "I love it!" and "Give me more!"
That right there almost sounds like I'm having sex with someone in a poorly written porn flic.
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Eh
Mar 30, 2011 8:57:18 GMT -6
Post by Evan on Mar 30, 2011 8:57:18 GMT -6
I'm really big on dialogue in stories for whatever reason, so I am kind of anal on having things be as clear as possible.
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Vorbote
Full Member
Vorbote von Ver?nderung
Bis ins Unendliche. Bis zum Erbrechen
Posts: 368
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Eh
Mar 31, 2011 19:14:33 GMT -6
Post by Vorbote on Mar 31, 2011 19:14:33 GMT -6
I can understand that. Have you gotten to read the third chapter on Facebook?
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Eh
Apr 18, 2011 8:19:28 GMT -6
Post by Evan on Apr 18, 2011 8:19:28 GMT -6
Just saw this... No, I haven't. I'll have to look for it.
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Vorbote
Full Member
Vorbote von Ver?nderung
Bis ins Unendliche. Bis zum Erbrechen
Posts: 368
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Eh
Apr 26, 2011 4:15:55 GMT -6
Post by Vorbote on Apr 26, 2011 4:15:55 GMT -6
You should be tagged in the note. Just go to my page and look at my notes. Should be easy to find. Also, I've started work on the fourth chapter, but I warn you that the third is ridiculously short by comparison. The fourth will hopefully be longer to make up for it. And so action-packed-edge-of-your-seat-dramatic that you'll develop heart palpitations.
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